1. Treat every day like an episode of Game of Thrones
First things first, the old idiom ‘Honesty is the best policy’ is a fucking lie. Your best friend of five years will undoubtedly bitch behind your back, your new confidante will tell someone who will tell them.
So, avert the shock of betrayal by embracing it.
Every sentence you utter will cause ripples, so avoid creating tidal waves by taking up this new an improved policy: Never say something about someone you wouldn’t say to their face.
But I’m shy? Stop that. Be honest, people flock to confidence, and they also mistake openness for honesty. So, while trying not to be a bitch or an asshole, be open about what you think. If your friend won’t quit teasing another friend, tell them it bothers you.
i.e. Miranda won’t stop making fat jokes about Kate. Tell that bitch, ‘Hey man, I don’t think Kate needs that right now. I really hate it when you do this stuff.‘
Maintain your cool. Monitor your words. Be friends with as many people as possible so that when a shitstorm inevitable brews you have a back up plan, and the trust of your friends when rumours fly.
The art of advice is simple: empathy.
No matter how stupid the situation, listen to it thoroughly, imagine both sides, and give a completely biased round of advice to the person asking. Always be open to listening, and they will come.
(Hint: this is how you learn gossip. But, be a secret keeper, not sharer)
i.e. Beth is devastated that Kieth (yes, the ‘i’ is the wrong way around, this is Kieth we’re talking about) has left her for Aimee. He had been fine for weeks before, before he sent over Facebook the break up message.
Tell Beth that Kieth obviously had been hiding the truth from her, and had been too afraid to admit to her the truth, so he pretended like everything was fine and dropped the bomb on her. Tell her she deserves happiness, and soon the heartache will go away. *Insert affection here, for example a hug or strategic placement of hand on shoulder*
Listen to the music you like, wear what you like, watch what you like; everything looks better with confidence.
People are afraid to breach it -unless you’re over-confident, then people will rip you to sheds- so even if your friends think you’re a hippy freak, they won’t say it to your face. And when they say it behind your back, the friends you previously made from Treating Like Like Game of Thrones and Giving Good Advice, will defend you.
4. Embrace a social life
Here are the basics: partying is acceptable without being called an alcoholic typically from the END of Year Ten onwards, get drunk for the first time in private so that you can learn what kind of drunk that you are, if no-ones drinking, be the first.
7:00pm onwards is a good time to arrive (depending on the party), 2:00am is a good time to leave (parents can be convinced of this)
It will tend not to matter what ‘friendship group’ you’re from when parties are happening. If someone invites you to one without many friends of your own at it, by all means GO, just don’t hang around the Inviter like a bad smell.
5. Body image/Self-esteem
Girls, we are in a patriarchal society that loves to think of you as a big hunk of meat. So, due to this reason, you may be apprehensive about make up or effort, you great feminist.
Here’s the thing, make-up is great. The trick is not giving a shit about the male attention coming your way (and it’ll come, because you’re hot) and never apologise for not wearing make-up. You are gorgeous either way, just accentuated by makeup.
Also, don’t wear so much that you can’t recognise yourself without it.
Weight. Do not worry about stretch marks on your thighs, cellulite, a muffin top, a lack of a thigh gap, love handles, or anything related to ‘being obese’. Do you honestly think every attractive girl is scrawny? Half of the girls at your school that you admire as being ‘so hot’ have all of the above, in all likelihood. You might never be a Victoria’s Secret model, but don’t think that by being bigger than the people projected at you in the magazines, that you are fat.
Boys, don’t be a dick by being sucked into fads like the current ‘$50 t-shirts that look like they’re from the Thrift Shop’, don’t go for overly outlandish haircuts unless you will put the effort into styling it with care and love (good-bye masculine body image)
Don’t expect a stick thin girl, don’t talk about girls who are ‘all skin and bones’ being hideous for being too thin. Accept the flaws and creases in girls bodies and enjoy the fun that is sex, or at least a taste of it. No complaints.
Combine all five to create a bearable highschool existence with a pinch of individuality.